For 25 years Social Thinking has been bringing books, curricula, conferences and on-line training to the social learning community -- parents, educators, and interventionists. They provide frameworks, tools, skills and a shared language to improve social competencies.
Social Thinking is generously offering many of their materials to families and educators for free right now. I encourage you to check them out and, if you wish, to share with your child. There is something here for everybody. Social Thinking - free stuff
(Perhaps you have heard your child talking about Zones of Regulation, Body in the Group, the Group Plan, Expected or unexpected behaviors, Whole Body Listening, Rock Brain, Super-Flex? These are concepts from Social Thinking.)
"For families concerned that their children are missing out on academic content, remember that at a time like this, less is more. I encourage you to broaden your definition of learning and focus on playtime, downtime, and family time." This message from Dr. Denise Pope, a Senior Lecturer at Stanford University Graduate School of Education and of a Co-Founder of Challenge Success rings true.
A Message to our Challenge Success Family during COVID-19
During these uncertain times with school closures and significant shifts away from normal routines, many people have expressed concerns about the impact on students’ academic journeys. I want to encourage parents, educators, and students in the Challenge Success family to remember the big picture. This is a time to focus on — and be grateful for — your
As essential as they are, we aren’t born with the skills that enable us to control impulses, make plans, and stay focused. We are born with the potential to develop these capacities—or not—depending on our experiences during infancy, throughout childhood, and into adolescence. Our genes provide the blueprint, but the early environments in which children live leave a lasting signature on those genes.
This signature influences how or whether that genetic potential is expressed in the brain circuits that underlie the executive function capacities children will rely on throughout their lives. These skills develop through practice and are strengthened by the experiences through which they are applied and honed. Providing the support that children need to build these skills at home, in child care and preschool programs, and in other settings they experience regularly is one of society’s most important responsibilities.
Being able to focus, hold, and work with information in mind, filter distractions, and switch gears is like having an air traffic control system at a busy airport to manage the arrivals and departures of dozens of planes on multiple runways. In the brain, this air traffic control mechanism is called executive function.
More Information on Executive Function
Guide: A Guide to Executive Function Learn more about the basics of building executive function skills, and learn strategies that can help build them.
This refers to a group of skills that helps us to focus on multiple streams of information at the same time, monitor errors, make decisions in light of available information, revise plans as necessary, and resist the urge to let frustration lead to hasty actions. Acquiring the early building blocks of these skills is one of the most important and challenging tasks of the early childhood years, and the opportunity to build further on these rudimentary capacities is critical to healthy development through middle childhood and adolescence. Just as we rely on our well-developed personal “air traffic control system” to make it through our complex days without stumbling, young children depend on their emerging executive function skills to help them as they learn to read and write, remember the steps in performing an arithmetic problem, take part in class discussions or group projects, and enter into and sustain play with other children. The increasingly competent executive functioning of childhood and adolescence enable children to plan and act in a way that makes them good students, classroom citizens, and friends.
Children who do not have opportunities to use and strengthen these skills, and, therefore, fail to become proficient—or children who lack the capacity for proficiency because of disabilities or, for that matter, adults who lose it due to brain injury or old age—have a very hard time managing the routine tasks of daily life. Studying, sustaining friendships, holding down a job, or managing a crisis pose even bigger challenges.
Correcting Popular Misconceptions of Science
The fact that young children have a difficult time with self-control, planning, ignoring distractions, and adjusting to new demands is hardly news to the adults who care for them. It is not widely recognized, however, that these capacities do not automatically develop with maturity over time. Furthermore, it is even less well known that the developing brain circuitry related to these kinds of skills follows an extended timetable that begins in early childhood and continues past adolescence and that it provides the common foundation on which early learning and social skills are built. Based on this new understanding, the following common misconceptions about the development of executive function skills can be laid to rest.
Contrary to popular belief, learning to control impulses, pay attention, and retain information actively in one’s memory does not happen automatically as children mature, and young children who have problems with these skills will not necessarily outgrow them. The evidence is clear that, by 12 months of age, a child’s experiences are helping to lay the foundation for the ongoing development of executive function skills. These early abilities to focus attention, control impulses, and hold information “on-line” in working memory appear to be easily disrupted by highly adverse early experiences or biological disruptions. Evidence also shows that early interventions aimed at improving these capacities before a child enters school can have beneficial impacts across a broad array of important outcomes.
Contrary to popular belief, young children who do not stay on task, lose control of their emotions, or are easily distracted are not “bad kids” who are being intentionally uncooperative and belligerent. Young children with compromised or delayed executive function skills can display very challenging behaviors for which they are often blamed. In most circumstances, however, it is the protracted development of the prefrontal cortex that is to “blame.” Efforts to help affected children develop better executive function skills and adjustments of the demands placed upon them to avoid overtaxing their capabilities are much more helpful than punishment for difficult behavior. Particularly when adverse experiences or environments elicit a toxic stress response, it can be very difficult for even the most competent children to enlist whatever executive function skills they have. In these circumstances, the provision of a safe and predictable environment offers the sense of security needed for successful behavior change to occur.
Contrary to the theory that guides some early education programs that focus solely on teaching letters and numbers, explicit efforts to foster executive functioning have positive influences on instilling early literacy and numeracy skills. Early evidence from randomized trials of interventions designed to foster the cluster of executive function skills (working memory, attention, inhibitory control, etc.) indicates benefits in early literacy and math skills compared with children who experience “regular” classroom activities. Indeed, there is also evidence that emerging executive function skills contribute to early reading and math achievement during the pre-kindergarten years and into kindergarten. This is not surprising insofar as the acquisition of traditional academic skills depends on a child’s capacity to follow and remember classroom rules, control emotions, focus attention, sit still, and learn on demand through listening and watching. Neuroscientists are also beginning to relate specific aspects of executive functioning, notably attentional skills, to specific steps involved in learning to read and to work with numbers. It is important to emphasize that this research is in its infancy, and much remains to be learned. Not only do we need to understand the effectiveness factors that account for the emerging impacts on school readiness from interventions designed to focus on executive function skills, but we also need to examine whether effective early education programs that focus directly on social, numeracy, and language skills also have positive impacts on executive functioning. Thus, the highly interrelated nature of these capacities makes it difficult to label any single intervention as focused explicitly (or not) on the critical domains of executive functioning.
Learn more about the Alfond Scholarship Foundation and the Finance Authority of Maine.
We’re sharing this important message with you from the Alfond Scholarship Foundation (ASF) and the Finance
Authority of Maine (FAME). Learn
more about Invest in ME Kindergarten at BrightFutureforME.com.
As you may know, the Alfond Scholarship Foundation has invested a $500 Alfond Grant for every baby born a Maine
resident since January 1, 2013. The Alfond Grant is a grant for education beyond high school. The $500 Alfond Grant is
a legacy gift from late philanthropist Harold Alfond to benefit future generations of Maine children. Mr. Alfond hoped
the $500 Alfond Grant would inspire families to also save for their children’s higher education.
Many Maine children entering kindergarten this fall have been awarded the Alfond Grant. Whether or not your child has
received the Alfond Grant, kindergarten is a wonderful time to start thinking about your child’s future and the things
that you can do to help them prepare for higher education success.
Learn more about Invest in ME Kindergarten at BrightFutureforME.com where you will also find activities you can share
with your child
I encourage you to check out this new podcast in the For the Sake of the Child Podcast Series. It is excellent! 7 C's of Resiliency - Ken Ginsburg
This podcast on the 7 C’s of Resiliency is the first in a monthly series with Dr. Ken Ginsburg, who is the Co-Founder and Director of the Center for Parent and Teen Communication, author of Building Resilience in Children and Teens and Raising Kids to Thrive, a pediatrician specializing in Adolescent Medicine, and a Professor of Pediatrics. He is also Director of Health Services at covenant House Pennsylvania, where he serves Philadelphia’s homeless and marginalized youth. Listen in to learn more about how you can raise a resilient child.
Some of you may have heard of Angela Duckworth, the MacArthur genius grant winner, researcher, professor, and author of Grit: The Power of Passion and Perseverance. I encourage you to check out her project entitled Character Lab. She brings the power of science and research to help us cultivate student success and well-being.
How does Character Lab support parents and teachers?
We turn scientific discoveries about the mindsets and skills that develop character into actionable advice for parents and teachers. On this website, you’ll find Playbooks, organized by character strength, with information and activities based on rigorous research studies. In each Playbook, you’ll also find links to books, videos, and other recommended resources. Each week, our co-founder and CEO Angela Duckworth writes a Thought of the Week, a short personal piece related to current events or new psychological research. You can sign up to receive them by email, or read them here. Because we are a nonprofit organization generously supported by philanthropic foundations and individuals, everything we do is free of charge.
Preparation is important. So, as we anticipate another school year, it makes sense to prepare, to get acquainted with the new schedule, hammer out the logistics, and replenish the supplies.
But, alas, when it comes to preparation and parenting, it’s a slippery slope–and all too easy to go overboard. It’s easy to lecture, go over the schedule, offer advice, and ask lots of questions.
Is there something called Momsplaining? I’m sure I’m guilty of that.
I suggest you counter the busy-ness of August and September with a bit of stillness. Stop talking long enough to open up some space for kids (and especially teens) to think and talk and problem solve and complain a bit… minus the parental commentary.
Too much stepping in by adults hampers the opportunity for kids and teens to practice some vital skills: handling uncertainty, developing some age-appropriate autonomy, and learning how to walk through the process of problem solving when things don’t go exactly as planned.
These are the very skills that anxious kids and parents lack, and the skills that all kids can (and should) develop with practice. When it comes to anxiety and depression, these are the skills of both treatment and prevention.
Don’t Fall Into Momsplanning Either
Attempts to make sure your child knows everything about the new school year is not only impossible, it gives your child the message that certainty is a requirement for moving forward.
Anxiety requires that all information is gathered and all wrinkles ironed out ahead of time.
Of course, life doesn’t work this way—and the beginning of a new school year certainly doesn’t. School bus routes are still being adjusted, teachers are learning about their new students, and schedules are in flux.
Framing up the start of a school year as a time that requires flexibility and combines knowns and unknowns is both realistic and helpful modeling. I use the What I Know/ What I Don’t Know Game with kids. I describe it in this video.
How Momsplaining and Momplanning Can Fuel Worry
A few years ago, I met with a family that was struggling with anxiety. Ten-year-old Polly was having trouble sleeping in her own room and going to her dance classes. She was complaining of tummy aches at school and visiting the nurse with increasing frequency. Much of her worry at school focused on the car pool arrangements. Who was going to pick her up? What if someone forgot? What if she couldn’t find the car?
To get a sense of Polly’s problem solving skills, I asked her, “What would you do if somehow there was a carpool problem? What if one of the parents did forget or was late?” Before Polly had a chance to answer, her mom jumped in.
She first turned to Polly: “That will not happen, do you understand? We would never let that happen. You will be safe. We will not forget you.”
She then turned to me: “We go over the schedule every Sunday night and every morning. She knows I check in with the other parents. We won’t have to deal with that. Polly asks me about carpool a lot, and I tell her that she will always be safe.”
This loving mother was getting in the way of any opportunity for Polly to develop confidence in the face of life’s glitches… while conveying a sense of urgency and danger with her constant reassurance.
Resist the desire to intervene and fix it
As the school year begins, there will likely be bumps as children get used to a new teacher, new classmates, new schedules and even a new school. A return to old struggles may re-emerge as well: social and academic challenges, tucked away for the summer, are cued and ready to go.
Resist the impulse to jump in and fix things right away when your children come home with complaints. Instead, chat about how they might problem solve…and let them know that it takes time to adjust and figure out the new terrain.
Allowing kids to “work it through” is akin to practicing an instrument. We don’t expect them to do it perfectly and active repetition is key. The trouble starts when we attempt to do the practicing for them, hoping we can somehow guarantee a flawless performance by taking over. This makes no sense when learning an instrument or a sport, but we justify it when assisting our children with things like emotional management, compromise, and social navigation.
I’ve also noticed that when parents step in to fix, they usually don’t do it calmly and patiently. They are fraught and stressed with the possibility that their child is uncomfortable or struggling, and the demands of their own adult lives join in, too. Stress is contagious. Parents, teachers, coaches are having more and more trouble managing their own worries and stress–and children are listening. I’ve said it before: anxious adults convey to their children that the world is a dangerous place and children believe them. I’m hearing it everywhere.
Instead, connect kids back to a previous experience when something felt “weird” at first. Normalize the expected discomfort that comes with “newness.” Some problems may ultimately require parental intervention, but showing kids how to slow down and problem solve, rather than you as the parent charging in immediately and taking over, is extremely valuable.
Kids find their own paths when we show them how to adapt and adjust. Love them, hug them, have dinner with them, and model for them what you want them to learn, without stepping in too quickly and DOING it your way instead.
Parents, Here’s Your Homework
DON’T WORK TO “GET RID” OF YOUR CHILD’S DIFFICULT EMOTIONS AND DISTRESS.
It is far more helpful to normalize their feelings than try to remove them. It’s normal to be nervous before the start of school, even if they’re excited as well. It’s normal to feel sad that summer is over, or to be disappointed that their best pal isn’t in their class or they didn’t get the teacher they were hoping for. It’s okay to feel uncomfortable on the noisy bus and take a few days (or weeks) to figure out where to sit.
DON’T BE RIGID NOR MODEL RIGIDITY.
You don’t have to have everything organized, planned, figured out. Let things unfold. Talk about adapting and being flexible. Planning is helpful and necessary, of course, but don’t expect everything to go smoothly. It won’t. And adapt when it doesn’t. When you freak out, you are showing your child how to freak out. Frame up the start of a school year as a time that requires flexibility and combines knowns and unknowns. This is both realistic and helpful modeling
DON’T TALK SO MUCH!
In particular, don’t talk at them. As kids start a new school year, give them space to tell you want they want to tell you as they sort through the newness of the routine. It’s amazing how much they’ll share when you give them the space to talk. And when they do talk, don’t immediately jump in, offer advice, and tell them about your experience. Listen, connect, ask a few questions. But mostly shut up.
DON’T BELIEVE EVERY STORY THAT WORRY TELLS.
Anxiety is catastrophic in its predictions. It anticipates the worst. (This is why I don’t ask worriers, “What’s the worst that can happen?” Anxiety loves to talk about this, and it’s not problem solving.) Flexible thinking teaches kids to look at situations from other perspectives, not just through the rigid lens of worry.
DON’T DO THEIR DAILY STUFF, JUST BECAUSE IT’S MORE EFFICIENT FOR YOU TO DO IT.
Even before they’re totally ready, let them handle homework, picking out clothes, waking up in the morning, making breakfast, etc. Right this moment, take an inventory of the things you are doing for your children that they can do for themselves, and stop doing THREE of them. Kids find their own paths when we show them how to adapt and adjust. Love them, hug them, laugh with them, have dinner together, and model for them what you want them to learn, without jumping in too quickly and DOING it your way instead.
We would like to welcome back students and families to what will surely be an exciting year ahead. We'd also like to extend an extra warm welcome to our youngest new students and their families.
For the parents and caregivers for incoming Kindergarten students Helping Kindergartners succeed - things you can do is a packet that I put together that highlights some of the most effective ways you can help your student thrive in school.
FAQ's about Kindergarten is the handout that we distributed at the spring Kindergarten registration dates. Now would be a good time to review the information and gradually share relevant parts with your child. The more your child knows about what to expect coming into Kindergarten, the smoother the transition will be.
And for all of our Mitchell School parents and students, here is an article from The New York Times6 Things Parents Should Know About Sending Kids Back to School. And below you'll find an oldie-but-goodie collection of resources from Edutopia. I encourage you to check out their Back to School Basics videos. They are quite good!
Back-to-School Resources for Parents
Find resources to help children begin school with a positive mindset, support their transition into a new school year, and prepare them for fall learning.
ORIGINALLY PUBLISHED: AUGUST 20, 2014 | UPDATED: AUGUST 2, 2016
Best Back-to-School Tips: Listen to this podcast about preparing students to head back to school and developing morning routines. For more on this topic, also consider reading "Getting Back in the School Year Routine." (Greater Good Science Center, 2012)
Back-to-School Health and Safety Tips: Browse advice about issues like backpack safety, transportation, bullying prevention, nutrition, before- and after-school childcare, study habits, and more. (American Academy of Pediatrics, 2015)
Back to School: Find information about back-to-school shopping on a budget, getting organized, and supporting children academically in these back-to-school articles. Before back-to-school night, you may want to take a look at Back-to-School Night Basics. (GreatSchools)
Guiding Our Children Through School Transitions: Transitions can be both exciting and anxiety-inducing for both children and parents. Discover tips for helping students transition into elementary school, middle school, high school, and post-secondary education. (Parent Toolkit, 2014)
Parents: Start with the A: Start the school year with inspiration and enthusiasm by celebrating your child's strengths and interests. (Edutopia, 2013)
Nervous? How We Can Help Kids Transition Back to School: In this podcast, learn about strategies that can help kids manage change and calm their nerves about starting a new school year. (Greater Good Science Center, 2011)
Back to School Books: Read a book with your child as a springboard for discussing feelings about back-to-school; this guide includes recommendations for preschool through grade six. For more book suggestions, you might also want to check out Understood.org's "5 Great Back-to-School Books for Kids in Grades 1–4." (Bank Street School of Education)
Your Ultimate Back to School Guide: Explore back-to-school advice and guidance related to managing technology in school and at home. (Common Sense Media)
Homework and Developing Responsibility: Developing study habits early is crucial for long-term academic success. Find tips and ideas for encouraging effective habits in reading, math, and writing. (American Academy of Pediatrics, Updated 2015)
Parent Involvement Checklist: Bookmark a checklist that can help educators and parents evaluate how well their school is reaching out to parents and explore how to work together to improve the quality of parent-school partnerships. (Reading Rockets/Project Appleseed, 2008)
This article from the NYTimes is too good not to share.
The Secret to Magic Mornings? Put the Kids to Work
Photo
CreditiStock
Getting breakfast ready and packing lunches for our six kids in time to get them all out the door to school in the morning sounds like a lot of hard work. Luckily, my wife, Kylie, and I don’t do it. The children do most of it while we guide and help where required.
Our kids — all daughters (and no, we aren’t and weren’t trying for a boy) — are ages 4 through 18. And over the years we’ve tried all kinds of systems and routines as we’ve tried to make mornings more manageable. Yelling didn’t work. Bribes and reward charts were more trouble than they were worth. Doing everything for them was unsustainable — we all were cranky.
So we kept tinkering with different ideas.
A while back we hit the jackpot with a plan that is finally working well.
We devised a personalized morning checklist for each child — with their input. And we created a breakfast menu and a lunch menu, just like the ones they give you in hotels. We’re talking the works here. For breakfast the children can have cereal, muffins, eggs however they want, smoothies. You name it! And the lunch menu is equally expansive. Each night the kids complete their menus for the next day’s breakfast and lunch.
We’re not serving as their cook, maid and butler. And we’re not forcing them into servitude, either. We’re teaching them life skills, based on the theory of the University of Rochester psychology professors Edward Deci and Richard Ryan. They suggest that for kids (and adults) to be motivated and happy they need three basic psychological needs to be satisfied: relatedness, competence and autonomy.
We need to feel positively connected to those around us. It’s vital for well-being, motivation and positive family functioning. But consider the average morning in most homes. Parents yell, “Hurry up or you’ll be late! Find your shoes! Where is your bag? Why are you dawdling?” This kind of interaction rarely builds those positive connections. Instead, we need to emphasize calm and kind interactions.
To foster competence, we had to do some heavy lifting in the early years to help our kids learn how to do things for themselves. They had to learn to cook, prepare school clothing, organize their own lunches and learn to use cling wrap. We slowly stopped doing things for them and guided them in learning how to do them for themselves.
Third, we need to have a sense of volition, or autonomy. This means a feeling that “I’m choosing this” rather than a feeling of being forced to do something. Just because they are competent at fixing their breakfast doesn’t mean they’ll do it gladly. We are far more motivated to act when we are acting for ourselves rather than being acted upon by others.
The checklist and the menu became our secret weapons. They gave the children a sense that they were in control. (Autonomy and volition; check.) They allowed the children to use their competence to make the foods of their choice. (Mastery; check.) And they provided the setting for relationships to be primarily positive in the mornings. (Relatedness; check.)
How does it work?
Rule #1: The morning begins the night before.
After dinner, the kids fill in their menus for the next day. They select their preferred breakfast. Don’t feel like cooking scrambled eggs? That’s fine. Grab some yogurt. Then they complete their lunch menu. They go to bed on time (and without devices in their rooms). And Kylie and I ensure we’ve got the right food in the fridge. Mornings without milk and bread don’t work, so shopping is one of our responsibilities.
We live in Australia, where school uniforms are compulsory. We make sure every night that uniforms are ironed, shoes and socks are in their place, hats are sorted, and everything is set out for the next day, including school bags and lunchboxes. We don’t want to be searching the house for anything in the morning rush, so it’s all organized before bed.
Rule #2: Create a morning checklist
If you’re constantly telling the kids what to do in the mornings, save your energy by creating a simple checklist for them to follow. Stick it on their wall. Use pictures if they’re too young to read.
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And no rewards. Just a check-box if they want to tick that they’ve done it.
Rule #3: Wake up 10 minutes early
Start the day off by getting up earlier than you need to — and by getting the kids up earlier than they need to. But do it gently and kindly. Sit on your kids’ beds and scratch their backs. Spend a few minutes talking to them about their day and what they’re looking forward to. Then let them know it’s time to get moving and you’re there to help if they need it.
Rule #4: Do as little as possible
This is the best bit. Watch your kids do their stuff. They’ll leave their room dressed for school because guess what? Their clothes were laid out the night before.
They’ll walk into the kitchen, grab their menu, and organize things themselves, because again, it was laid out the night before.
If they get stuck, you can help them to scramble the eggs or whatever is beyond them. But if cereal or yogurt is on the menu, even the 4-year-old can handle it herself.
They’ll grab their lunch menu and organize their fruit, their veggies, their snack and their drink. They might ask for a bit of help with a sandwich if they’re small. Maybe cling wrap is tricky. You can give them a hand. But they can do most of it on their own, and it’s easy because they did the thinking last night.
Now and then they’ll look a little lost. You get to say, “What’s next on your list?” Or you might ask, “Is there something you need a hand with?”
But most of the time, your job is to sit, smile and help out where needed. This means we do some tidying at the sink, offer help, and we’re able to cater to the occasional emergency when a task feels too great or someone is too tired and can’t walk because “my legs are hurting.”
When it doesn’t work
Now and then we still have one of those mornings where nothing works. But this tends to be the result of a late night, a lack of preparation the night before, or our failure to be sure that there are basic food preferences in the fridge. (We’re not indulgent here. Fruit, veggies, milk, bread and eggs are the basics for breakfast, and some standard lunch meats, salads and snacks are all we need for lunch. Once the kids are in a routine they tend to stick with what they know. Two trips each week to the grocery store are enough for us to keep up with demand.
Other issues arise from time to time. A child who had a fight with a friend one day may not want to go to school the next morning. There may be some sibling rivalry over who gets to use the toaster first. A parent who is not rushed is better able to respond to the emotional crises that occur in a family of six girls. But so long as we’re on top of the things we can control, no one fights over the last yogurt cup.
It’s true that this process requires time and attention in the evenings, which is tough if both parents work late. And it’s true that some of these tasks are a challenge for kids under 5 — but you can adapt the method and delegate tasks that your child is up to. Maybe a preschooler wants to butter her own toast or slice a banana. And before you know it your family really can have magic mornings.
